Will you accept your Gay Indian son?


Citizens of the world – the U.S. is slowly but surely getting its act together toward a more tolerant social structure. Gays-Lesbians-Bisexuals-Straights can all get married and our bosoms are fluffed with PRIDE! But not everyone’s happy, especially those who feel their conservative American values have been tarnished by RAINBOWS and FRUITS and FAIRIES.

Credit: Associated Press
Credit: Associated Press

The U.S. Supreme Court legalized or rather told the hater U.S. states they cannot ban Gay & Lesbian couples from marrying each other. The vote was narrow – 5 out of 9 justices, including Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote for the majority. It must be pointed that Justice Anthony Kennedy was chosen by Reagan and was expected to uphold conservative American values. But American’s karmic balance tipped in favor of the “right” value system, and Justice Kennedy wrote with the liberal judges.

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than they once were – Justice Kennedy Their hope, is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right – Justice Kennedy

Credit: BBC.com
Credit: BBC.com

You’d think, our Indian brethren who immigrated to the U.S., fully sympathize with the suffering of the LGBTQ community in the U.S. After all, persecution of any minority group is not cool – especially if you live in liberal California. Not so much! “This whole Gay-business is so dirty!” I was rebuked by my educated, Democratically-leaning, upper-class Indian-American friend, upon expressing my enormous gayety about the Supreme Court decision. I was intrigued. Did she mean Gays love kinky sex? How did she know? Could she have…I assume, indulged in bi-sexual behavior in the past? I assumed incorrectly. She told me her children would never be Gay! If she was a good Indian parent, she would never allow them to be Gay – ever! “What if your daughter likes another girl? Or what if your boy really loves another boy? What if they are adults and want a Gay husband or wife? Would you deny them a proper Bollywood wedding? Every Indian deserves that! Gay or Straight!” She replied, “would you accept your son if he were gay?” I am asked that a lot…by fearful Indian-American mothers. What does it mean to “accept” a Gay child? As a parent, you cannot “un-accept” your child, the child is already there and linked to you karmically beyond your control. “As long as he’s happy, healthy, respectful, and compassionate – I would be honored to “accept” any marital arrangement he choses, straight or gay,” has been my standard answer. But Indian mothers are skeptical of this response. They think its trendy to support gay marriage and the fad will fade away.

Credit: Buzzfeed

My brain refuses to bow-down in front of Indian-American parents who tell me Indian kids rarely turn out to be gay, because being gay is the problem of the West! Indian kids might be confused, boys might not have met the “right” girl and vice-versa, but Indian kids are not gay! Sound like the 2007 speech by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad – “We don’t have any gays in Iran”? It’s a debate I’ve had with many Indian parents living in the West. It’s a long list of problems they have with the West – premarital sex, gay coupling, single-parenthood, divorces and so on. Families and distant relatives butt into the sex lives of each other’s kids to ensure we all uphold our “Indian” value system far away in Pardes (translation: foreign land, particularly West). It’s just how Indians do it – we closely monitor our off-springs.

Credit: Berkeley.edu
Credit: Berkeley.edu

I’ve had brilliant LGBTQ friends during my Master coursework at UC Berkeley and I must add, most of them were gay – Indians, South East Asians, Caucasian, Latin American, European and whichever other region you can imagine. I lived in conservative Ohio-belt for several years and realized I might not be a “good-fit” after being called a Paki / Arab / Dot-Target (9/11 racial disharmony) and denied a job upon disagreeing with the hiring manager that God could technically be a female, not necessarily male (50% chances of being either gender). Berkeley and I clicked like a pre-diabetic and her candy jar. Berkeley’s hyper-liberal womb was just the right place for me – hippie-chic, all-loving, all-accepting, LGBTQ-loving, meditation-and-yoga-loving, GMO-hating! I wish all Indians were forced to send their kids to UC Berkeley, so they could all go back to their Indian roots. Ethnic roots that gave us Kamasutra, and the roots that state the religious texts do not discriminate against homosexuals.

Credit: Pinterest
Credit: Pinterest

India has had it’s own high-drama with LGBTQ rights. Sadly, in 2013, the Indian Supreme Court declared that Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code cannot be struck down – making gay sex illegal in India. We hope with the tide of change in the West, India too apes the West in this regard. LGBTQ couples should be given the right to select he partner of their choice so love can prevail! I for one, cannot wait to attended colorful, happy, and LGBTQ-accepting BOLLYWOOD weddings! Read More:


5 thoughts on “Will you accept your Gay Indian son?

  1. It is just sooooo frustrating sometimes in India where there is such a disconnect between historical values and perspective vs what is the approach today.

    I loved our time in Vancouver where our host was busy organising Pride – so fabulous to be South Asian, gay and proud!

    1. Canada is a role model in being progressive compared to the U.S. So many social issues are seamlessly sorted out in comparison – such as basic health care for citizens…sigh so many battles to be won.

      1. Trudeau said it best in 67 when his govt decriminalised homosexuality “There’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation.”

        When my home ‘town’ of Winnipeg elected Glen Murray in the 90s, it amusing to see the fuss from a round the world about the ‘news’ that we elected an openly gay mayor. To me he was just my friend’s boss who we hoped would do some good things.

        Unfortunately the Canada of today is slipping with some of the very elements which made it a kinder, gentler, humane nation. Let’s see how things evolve…

  2. Wow! Simply amazing. However, we all know 99 percent of the respondents would reply with an affirmation to your question and just as many would be lying..!! The problem with Indians is, we are a bunch of huprocrites. Gay is fine if it’s not my kid..! Rape is not fine as long as it’s my kid that did it. We want the loveliest daughter in law but not a daughter. We would run down dogs on street and protest against Yulin in China. We are also brilliant at giving birth to absolutely ridiculous theories.
    A north Eastern woman in Delhi has to be a prostitute, like a gay man would picture every man on the planet naked with no predilections for having sexual fantasies only for the one he loved like all ” straight” people in relationships. So, it’s kind of pretty obvious what Indians will have to say or do about this question.
    Wish, you would have written more about the huprocrisy or the insensitive and self inflicted mental blockades.

    But nevertheless, what poise and grace in writing. Brilliant use of satire and sarcasm. You have a gift of authoring pieces that are publishers delight.

    Loved it, keep them coming. In awe of your skill!

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