How to become an astrologer…

Are we not always curious to know about our past, our present and our future? Are we not tempted to approach a palm reader or a fortune-teller whenever we see them? South Mumbai has plenty of street palm readers, and seeing one, we decided to investigate his business strategy.

First, the astrologer started with very generic “tag” questions such as “You think from your heart, don’t you?”, “You are emotional, aren’t you?”, “You believe in God, don’t you?”   In the process of asking these questions, he managed to collect enough information about us that he narrated back to make his knowledge about astrology seem authentic. As he continued, our lives sounded extremely promising. “You will be blessed with two children” “Your career will flourish”.

Very quickly, however, our future deteriorated. “Your husband is either depressed or going to meet with an accident or leave you.”, “You will die by the age of 50.”,  “ You will survive till you are 85 but you will have a mental illness.” When we were wondering about our dark and gloomy future, he told us that our future problems could be remedied by wearing a ring. When we  were wondering where we could get this ring (no matter how logical we were in the beginning, and we did this just for fun, we did fall into the trap momentarily), he came with a deal breaker- “Purchase my ring, and everything will be fine.”

So how do you become an astrologer / guru / demi-god?

  1. Strategically learn about the client’s life by asking “tag” questions in a subtle way
  2. Build a dream world the client already seeks and talks about
  3. Shatter that dream, shatter again, and then re-shatter
  4. Seal the deal by offering a potent magical healing stone or mantra
  5. Good luck with the new career!
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